David and Victoria Beckham will forever be, to me, a late-90s London couple with an enthusiasm for tacky jewelry, leather pants, white v-neck sweaters, and an aggressive use of hair gel. But current-day Posh & Becks are country people! Or at least, they enjoy casually cosplaying country people. But that might be a problem. According to The Sun, The Beckhams are trying to city up their country house, and some of their country neighbors don’t like it.
Around this time last month, Emily wrote that The Beckhams were quarantining at their $7.83 million country home in the Cotswolds, a rural area about two hours north-west of London, that has been officially designated as an AONB, or Area of Outstanding Natural Beauty. We had also learned last month that the Beckhams had made plans to renovate their nine-bedroom Cotswolds cottage to include an underground tunnel. Apparently the work isn’t limited to just an underground tunnel.
Michael Douglas (not that Michael Douglas), a local Cotswolds resident, spoke to The Sun about some proposed changes happening at The Beckham Estate. Michael says that the Beckhams have amended their original building plans to now include a sauna, a jetty, a privacy hill, and the digging of a large swimmable pond. Wow, a house in a holler and a swimmin’ hole? All that’s missing is Victoria clanging a wooden spoon inside a triangle and yelling, “Supper time, git yer vittles.” Michale Douglas writes:
“What they appear to want is to bring suburbia into the countryside, if they had wanted all they have applied for why not find an estate which was big enough to accommodate all of this.”
The Sun adds that some locals are cringing at how dreadfully tacky the Beckham’s property has become.
One resident described the feature as being “monstrous” and another feared the development could have an impact on the water table.
The impact on the water table could be a big issue. The Sun has published the design plans, which include a 91-meter wide pond. The area is home to a critter called the Great Crested Newt, and the worry is that any fish David or Victoria dump into their pond might eat the newt’s larva, which means no more newts. Local regulations also prevent the use of bright spotlights around the pond, because the light confuses local bats. The locals also want the Beckhams to dig holes under the pond, but not the escape route kind. They want to encourage hedgehogs, which are native to the area. Cotswolds locals are demanding a 5-year plan that addresses the ecology of their estate renovations.
Michael Douglas also took issue with the Beckham’s plans for a privacy hill. Their Cotswolds home backs onto a laneway leading into the Soho Farmhouse retreat, which is a fancy, expensive compound for celebrities and Soho House members. According to Michael, if the Beckhams didn’t want to share space with a popular resort, they shouldn’t have bought the property.
I understand wanting privacy and swimming fun, but not at the expense of a pile of dead newts! I think maybe the solution here is the construction of a speaker system that plays only Victoria’s parts from the Spice Girls catalog. That will absolutely keep people away from the property. And I’m sure that in almost no time, they’ll have a reasonably small saltwater pond to enjoy from the tears of their neighbors crying for them to please turn it off.
Pic: Instagram
